August Focus: Domestic Cleaning Business
Learning to Become Free through Assertiveness
Next, assertiveness requires you to have very clearly defined goals in life and that you know what your purpose is. If you have no idea about these things you will not be able to become assertive. If you do not know what you want the first step to take is to work out what you don’t want from life until you have narrowed down your list to what you do want from life. Underlying what you want will be your reason for being here. If you are able to define this you will be able to assertively say no to those things in life that you do not want that go against your purpose, and assertively speak up for those things that you do want in life that fit in with your purpose.
In order to strengthen your self-image never put yourself down. It is very important that once you begin to develop an assertive personality that you always speak of yourself in a positive manner. In doing so you will begin to create around you a shroud of serene strength that does not invite those people into your experience that are likely to try to take advantage of you. You don’t have to brag and you don’t have to boast, but you should be happy to say to someone ‘I am a very good cook’ because your whole family enjoys each and every meal that you serve them. Or ‘I am a terrific seamstress’, because the clothes you make are top quality garments and you know it to be a fact. Or, ‘I was the smartest accountant to graduate in my class’ because you received honors and much recognition at your graduation. It is simply a mental discipline of watching yourself speak and catching yourself when you say something that puts you down. It just takes practice.
You will then begin to exude self-worth, a quality that is sadly lacking in many people, purely because they have taken on the opinions of others, or because of the treatment that they have experienced in the process of going through life. You have to reach the point where you can walk away from the judgments and criticisms of those around you and not be affected by them, and where you can stamp out from your life those people that are going to treat you with anything other than respect. Once you exude self-worth, developing the skills of clear and precise communication will enable you to control the behaviour of most of your clients.
Many people were never taught how to set boundaries and how to say no, and at various times in their lives they have had their own boundaries invaded by parents, friends and/or lovers. This places them in a weak position while dealing with clients in their new business. If you haven’t already, it is very important that you learn to set boundaries, as this will form the foundation that will allow you to remain in control while being self-employed. Also, applying assertiveness at the appropriate moment and to the right degree is an aspect of setting boundaries that should also be developed.
How this is done incorporates body language, voice projection and knowing where the limits are to your boundaries. Good communication skills help you to deliver your boundaries in a way that does not provoke resentment. The combination of being able to set boundaries and being able to say what they are in a non-aggressive manner will place a person in good control of most of the situations that arise with his or her clients.
Setting your boundaries does not mean being confrontational. It requires that you have a healthy self-respect that allows you to insist on being treated properly and paid accordingly through using good communication skills as opposed to aggression. I have seen some people actually create a confrontation with their clients in an effort to prove something, but this is aggression rather than assertiveness. Insisting on being right in an aggressive manner may make you feel good, but it does nothing to help the growth of your business and does not make your client feel like they have received value for money. Your business’ success relies on making sure your client feels supported by your service.
On the other hand, just walk away if your client is attempting to create conflict. If the situation requires you to be assertive in order to remain in control do so in a non-threatening way. Your ability to remain calm in the face of aggression or conflict will determine your level of control. It is wise not to add fuel to the fire when you can feel that there is a tense situation developing. It is better just to stay quiet, finish your work and leave calmly. This is why you should collect your payment at the start of the job because you cannot predict what your client’s real intentions are. Work on clearing your own emotional issues and you will be able to stay calm.
You can read in next article about: Assertiveness – Part III
[0,0]
Free From the Gilded Cage is the education arm of the Loving Heart Foundation Australia where we teach the basics of self-employment and basic budgeting skills. This is so that women can learn the skills needed to manage their own lives without feeling trapped in a relationship with a man who is beating them up. With these skills they can easily leave him.
Update: The first novel in our series of seven written to raise funds for those whom we assist is now published. It is the courageous story of a young teen growing up in a home filled with domestic violence, and how she manoeuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Click here if you’d like to know more about this novel.
Click here if you’d like to be taken to the site where you can purchase this novel.