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Assertiveness in Self Employment
Part of the reason why you are considering becoming self-employed by attending my workshop or reading these articles is because you probably want more freedom, and this means having more independence and control over all the areas of your life. To have total freedom you will need to develop an assertive personality, one that does not allow others to impose their intentions on you should that not be your desire, and one that is able to make things happen so that life gives you what you want.
Basically, having an assertive personality boils down to being totally centered and contained within yourself, and not leaning out into the world looking for acceptance from sources outside of yourself. It means that the greater majority of the time you are calm and relaxed, with very few events that are happening around you pushing you off-balance. It sometimes comes naturally to those people who have been properly nurtured and supported while growing up, but for those that haven’t you will need to develop this attribute yourselves.
From the moment we are born we are told what to do, how to do it and when to get it done. We are taught to conform, to fit in and to be a part of society. All the structures around us, from governments to religious and educational institutions want to make sure that we do. They set rules and regulations that are so stifling that in the end the people just acquiesce and go along simply because they would rather not think about, rally against or fight these laws. But if you desire to free yourself of the imposed shackles of these societal institutions you will need to develop your own viewpoints, know what you want and be able to ask for it. Part of becoming free is being able to go against the status quo and to take an individual stand on life.
The setbacks and restrictions you face along the way strengthen you, and although they may feel overpowering at times, in overcoming them you develop an individuality that defines you and sets you apart from others. So if you find that you have experienced much opposition in your life try not to see it as such a bad thing. If you have been able to go beyond those forces that were against you, you will have developed persistence, tenacity and strength. These three characteristics will give you the power to manifest whatever you want out of life.
To further develop your assertiveness you must see yourself in a non-judgmental way and not criticise or condemn yourself for what you do or have done, or what you don’t do or haven’t done. Eventually you should become able to look at all of your life, see it for what it is, and be accepting of and know who you are. You may desire to make changes to aspects of whom and what you are, but basically you are settled in the knowledge that this will come with time and is something that you are quite capable of doing.
Assertiveness is the ability to take yourself out into the world and be who you are with those around you, while at the same time not being pushed off centre by their reaction to you. If you are assertive you can be yourself, talk about your life, have opinions of your own and not be attached to whether or not other people accept you for those things. You can basically leave it up to others to react to you in whatever way they choose to react. And, when you have truly mastered detachment their reaction will not matter to you.
If you cannot do this then you are not allowing the beauty that is within you to be free to be. You will be projecting to the world that you have no worth, no value or no capabilities. This is basically fear, and as the saying goes ‘a life lived in fear is a life half-lived’. The first part of assertiveness then is to accept yourself as you are, wherever and however that may be. If you are around someone who makes you feel ‘less than’ in some way, ask yourself ‘what is it about this person that intimidates me?’ When you have worked this out you will then discover an area within you that you need to accept. For example, if someone asks you out and you feel that you can’t accept because you aren’t good enough for that person, ask yourself ‘what is it that is holding me back?’ If it happens to be that they are very wealthy and you aren’t, then you will need to work on accepting that you have value to offer without having to have loads of money. Once you can do this for yourself on all levels, you should also give those around you the very same acceptance.
You can read in next article about: Assertiveness – Part II